


Just a thought

by supernaturallyfantastic



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Just Castiels thoughts, M/M, Not actually Destiel, Season 9, close to episode, s9e3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 11:20:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7266037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supernaturallyfantastic/pseuds/supernaturallyfantastic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas has sex for the first time ever!<br/>But what happened between April and Cas and what did he think and feel?<br/>How did he feel being intimate for the first time and what happens if his thoughts drift off to someone else? </p>
<p>Very close to what happened in Season 9 Episode 3: I'm no angel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just a thought

Cas felt welcome in April’s apartment. She took care of him, a strange man, and she was genuinely interested in him. It has been a while since he could open up to someone, but she was human so he had to be careful with the phrasing. After she patched up his wound, she begins to message his shoulder. He hasn’t got used to this. This vulnerability, this pain. He sighed. “It’s all new to me. Hunger. Cold. This feeling of being all alone.”  


April smiled at him. “You’re not alone tonight.” She came closer and her lips gently touched his cheek. Cas looked at her in surprise while her face stayed close to his until she finally closed the gap between their lips. Cas has never felt something like this. Her lips were so soft and brushed gently over his. The look of wonder in his face faded and he sank into their kiss.  


Soon she guided him over to her bed and took of her jacket and shirt. She playfully pushed him and he let himself drop down to the mattress. He watched her strip down to the bone, as - only now - he realised that this was much more enjoyable then he expected.  


All this time he had sneered at the humanity’s lust and hedonism, he had never thought that it could be so bewildering to be part of this kind of interaction. And it came to Cas that humans’ life must be exhausting. Living in this constant want of sexual enjoyment, no wonder Dean has his magazines.  


Dean. There was a woman taking of his pants and he thought of Dean. He closed his eyes, which didn’t help at all. He could feel a hand on his length and Cas couldn’t help it but think what it would feel like in Dean’s rough, bigger hands.  


***  


“Oh, you like that, don’t you?” Cas joltingly opened his eyes looking right into the smirking face of April. “Uhm. Yes, I do.” Pleased with his answer she reached for her drawer. Cas looked at her questioningly. “Well, we need protection right?” she said with a wink. While Cas still wondered what she was talking about, he could feel her hand again. He looked down and saw that she has put some sort of rubbery thing on him. Before Cas could think of what to do next she positioned him and pushed it into her. Cas closed his eyes. That was amazing; he had never felt anything like this before. Her tightness overwhelmed him.  


Now he understood it. Being human definitely has its perks. And this girl was just someone he just met. How amazing could that be with a person you love. Isn’t that what this was supposed to be? Something you do with the person you love? Something he could do with Dean?  


April moved her body up and down. Cas didn’t know why, but he knew that this didn’t feel as good as it could be. He put his hands around her hip and with a quick movement reversed their positions. With lust in her eyes, she grinned at him. Cas closed his eyes and suddenly the imagination of Dean lying under him instead of this random girl popped up in his head. He thrust himself into April, keeping his eyes shut. This felt right.  


***  


“Well say something.” April looked at him, lying next to him. “There aren’t any words.” Cas answered. He had really enjoyed their interaction, but now that his thoughts were rational again, he just couldn’t believe he had imagined Dean while he was having Sex for the every first time.  


“So, that was okay?” she asked. He looked at her; she really did want to know. “Very much so. Um…what I did, that was, uh…correct?” He shouldn’t have thought of someone else. But he still wanted to know, whether his performance was, well, good enough for the much more experiences someone else. “Very much so.” He smiled. She was a very nice person after all. He hoped he didn’t need to hurt her. He probably should just forget about Dean. “Good.” They looked at each other and started laughing.  


Again April proved her concern for Cas by bringing up what they had talked about earlier. “Well, whoever you trusted…can’t they help undo this?” So much about ‘He should probably just forget Dean.’ He needed to be fair to her and give her a chance. He let the image of Dean leave his head, took her hand and answered “We’re not in contact.”  


When she asked what happens next for him he smiled and said “More of this, I hope.” He leaned over, kissed her and closed his eyes. This time, Dean didn’t pop up in his head. Cas smiled into their kiss, while the kiss started to be more than a kiss.  


***  


April was sleeping next to him, but Cas couldn’t sleep. He thought of the moment when he tried to figure out the enjoyableness of the frequently visited websites. Apparently it was not okay to watch those videos with someone else, while other enjoyable activities were mostly done with friends. Dean and Sam had stared at him as if he was some sort of alien (which of course was not far from right). He had perceived that intercourse is a sparsely discussed topic between humans. But now Cas had the most urgent feeling to talk about what had just happened.  


Would Dean give him any advice concerning sex and love? Would Cas want to hear about Dean’s love life? Probably not, considering all the girls he had. Slowly it came to Cas, that Sex made everything more complicated. How could it be that Dean and Sam, and pretty much every other human, had managed to live their lives. Cas had just started to be human and felt exhausted by all those decision to make. And loving Dean doesn’t make any of those easier. Thinking about Dean, Cas finally falls asleep.  


***  


When Cas woke up, he realised that April was gone but he could hear her in the kitchen. On the drawer next to him he could see his washed cloths. He put on his pants and shirt and went over to the kitchen. April was cutting grapefruit. Cas’ jacket was hanging over the back of the chair. He took it and checked it for his angel blade. Right when he realised that it was gone April asked “I washed your stuff. Find everything okay?” When he mentioned the missing blade, she turned around with the blade in her hand and looked him threateningly in the eye. “Oh you mean this?”  


Cas was tied to a chair and April explained why she hasn’t just attacked him right away. “I needed information, so I had to gain your trust.” - “And that required intercourse?” Cas was raged at the fact, that she managed to make him trust her and like her. He wanted to be fair, forget about Dean. And now he just hoped that Dean would come and rescue him somehow. Why had he been so dumb to think he could make his way without Dean?  


Time didn’t seem to pass and April kept asking him about Metatron’s plan, cutting him with the angel blade every time she wasn’t happy with his answer. Cas’ hope that Dean would save the day faded with every passing minute, as well as Aprils patience. Cas only hope left was, that he could somehow convince her to not kill him. “It may be unwise to kill me. If my Grace were the key to empowering the spell, I may be key to countering it.” – “Are you negotiating with me, Castiel?”  


Suddenly the door burst open and Dean and Sam ran in. “Cas!” Never was Cas happier to see the brothers and to hear Dean yell his name. All of the sudden he felt a sharp pain in his chest, April had stabbed him and he realized he was going to faint. Helplessly he looked at Dean, who angrily pulls his own angel blade, running at April. Then everything turned black.  


***  


Cas gasped and opened his eyes. He could see him. “Dean.” – “Hey!” He turned around came closer to Cas and putting a hand on Cas’ leg with a concerned look on his face. “And Sam.” Cas said when Sam stood up seeming shocked by the scene before him. Cas felt that something was wrong. “Cas you’re okay.” Cas looked down at his body and realized that all of his wounds have somehow vanished.  


“Never do that again.” Dean looked at him, as if it was his fault that he got stabbed. But how could he still be alive? Unharmed? “All right. But I’m still confused. I know she stabbed me, but I’m –well, I don’t appear to be dead.” He needed an answer. “I made a deal with her. Sais she wouldn’t get kabobed if she brought you back. She brought you back.” Cas couldn’t believe it. “You lied.” He lied for him. He lied to save him. He lied to bring him back. “I did. I do that.”  


***  


On their way home Cas couldn’t stop thinking about what Dean had done for him. Until now it has always been his job to heal, save and bring back. Never has he been needed to be saved. Dean must really care about him. He looked so angry when April stabbed him and he lied to bring him back. What if there was a chance. What if Dean loved Cas? What if he loved him the same way Cas loves Dean. And how could he find out.  


When they arrived at the place, Dean called ‘the bunker’ he had made up his mind. He needed to make sex a topic of their conversation or else it would never be. Before Cas approached Dean, he put on fresh clothes and cleaned himself well enough. Now he felt ready. Dean wasn’t alone, Sam was with him. “I am really enjoying this place. Plentiful food. Good water pressure. Things I never even considered before. There really is a lot to being human, isn’t there?” Hopefully he will be able to turn this conversation in the right direction.  


“It ain’t all just burritos and strippers, my friend.” Dean said. And there was the right direction. Maybe Dean wanted to go there, too? “Yeah. I understand what you’re saying.” He really did now, considering his experience from earlier. Sam seemed to question his understanding. “There’s more to humanity than survival. You… look for purpose, and you must not be defeated by anger or despair. Or hedonism, for that matter.” Now he had said it. Now he couldn’t go back. Dean looked confused. “Where does hedonism come into it?” 

***  


“Well, my time with April was very educational.” Cas said, looking at Dean, hoping he would understand, but neither of the brothers seemed to have gotten it. Worse, Sam thought he meant the ‘getting killed’. Cas had no choice but to clarify the meaning of the sentence. “Having sex.” Dean choked on his burrito for a second. He looked unbelievably at Cas. “You had sex with April?” Sam on the other hand grinned and added “That would be where hedonism comes in.” Cas nodded to him.  


Dean didn’t seem to be able to just accept the fact, that Cas had sex. He looked at him, grinned awkwardly and asked “So, did you have protection?” – “I had my angel blade.” Dean tried not to laugh, Cas could see that. Of course he has by now realised that the rubbery thing was protection. But he also realised that Dean didn’t seem ready for a sexual active Castiel. So Cas gave him the answer Dean needed to hear.  


It didn’t work as well as Cas hoped it would, but he still had something on his mind e wanted to say. “I do now see how difficult life can be and how well you two have led it. And I think you’ll be great teachers.” He looked Dean in the eye saying the last part of the sentence. Dean seemed trying to understand what exactly Cas could have meant by that. At least that worked. Hopefully the thought stays in Dean’s mind and might lead to further thoughts. Who knows?


End file.
